If timing is everything, then breaking up with someone on Valentine’s Day may be one of the most difficult days to get out of a relationship. On the other hand, the very fact that this is Valentine's Day may feel like the last straw in a relationship that has started failing badly from your perspective, given that you have to act romantic and dedicated; you may even be worried that you'll be liable to do or say something stupid that might really hurt your current date's feelings if you aren't as honest as possible about how you don't think the relationship's working anymore. Indeed, studies have shown that Valentine's Day is a common day for breakups, with 47 percent of couples choosing this day to break up.
1. Identify the reason why you want to break up. Initially, it's probably because you've lost that "loving feeling." However, it's important to explore your reasons so that you can come up with plausible and kindly ways to extract yourself from the relationship.
Choose three reasons why you want to break up. Multiple reason break ups may be a little more difficult to analyze in terms of ways to craft your break up to your advantage, however you can break down the reason and look for similarities. Even if there are 50 reasons you want out, select the top three glaring reasons to use as a reference.
Look for a connection between the reasons to arrive at one main theme. For example, if your significant other has a negative attitude, makes fun of people and talks behind others’ backs, you can conclude that the main reason behind your wanting to break up is because he or she is bringing toxic energy to your life. However, if you simply don’t have chemistry, have conflicting schedules and perhaps want to date someone else, you could have a case where you are dating wrong person at the wrong time.
2. Assess why you want to choose Valentine's day to break up on. Is it because you just can't bear the thought of having to go through the day living a lie? Is it because you haven't been free to catch up with your date until this day? Is it because a huge event has been planned for the day and it has catapulted you into realizing that the relationship is fizzing but you still have to go through with booked and paid for plans? Maybe you think that it's a day in which you can explain away the breakup by showing that there is plenty of love to go around, as seen by all the romantic couples about. For some people, it's a reawakening of purpose with the first signs of being able to get fresh air after months of cabin fever; it's a holiday that marks a change of pace since New Year and therefore holds significance in terms of moving on. The reason for choosing to break up on Valentine's Day may not even strike you until you're going through the relationship motions on the day itself, with the romance bringing out a sudden realization that you're unhappy with this person. Whatever the reason, decide if this is the right day to be breaking up.
Conflict is common on Valentine's Day, especially where one partner is romantic and the other is cynical and views the day as a marketing ploy and detests it. This can easily give rise to other feelings about the direction of the relationship in general and compatibility. Interestingly, it can actually be the romantic partner who initiates a Valentine's Day breakup because things didn't turn out perfectly from the moment the day started––be aware of this!
3. Determine the time of day you’ll lower the boom. Evening on Valentine’s Day is usually the roughest time to break up. Valentine’s Day night is a time when couples go to dinner or go on dates––not a great time to turn your steady into your ex. However, breaking up with someone in the morning will leave him or her miserable for the entire day, which may have negative consequences on your life (such as phone calls coming from your new ex all day or having him or her come to your office to talk about the break up even further). Rather than choosing “day” or “night” think about both of your schedules. When will you have the most time to properly discuss the break up, but avoid having the conversation coincide with the height of romance? Also, have you noticed that your boyfriend/girlfriend seems to be more rational or open minded earlier or later in the day? Find a time during Valentine’s Day when you think he or she may take the news the best (if it's at all possible to assume that).
If you had already booked plans to do something together, perhaps suggest that you're happy to arrange for his or her friend or sibling to go along in your stead after you've broken up. At least they'll still get a meal out or an activity experience. Judge the worth of this suggestion according to the person and the context; it might even be you who chooses to go out with someone else platonic for the evening!
4. Choose an unromantic location. Unfortunately, romance is even sprinkled on your rigatoni on Valentine’s Day, so finding an unromantic location may be slightly impossible. Avoid cozy restaurants where you’ll have to see couples nuzzling and celebrating. Also, places like the movies, cafes, the beach or historical monuments or statues with romantic connotations (such as the Empire State Building in New York City) are places to avoid like the plague. Other places to avoid include your house, the office, at someone’s wedding, at a relative’s house, in your car or by text or phone. While that may seem as though the only place that is safe for a breakup on Valentine’s Day is in outer space, places that may work include a community park or any other public area that isn’t full of happy couples and big red hearts and roses splashed throughout the landscape, taking a walk along a beach or in the woods, a quiet cafe or even their house if you're concerned about their fragility.
5. Prepare your approach. Choose a politely worded and plausible reason why you want to break up and select the best time of day and place to formulate your approach to the break up. Because this may be the most delicate break up of your dating career, you will want to construct and prepare what you plan to say well before Valentine’s Day:
Write down a concise, straight forward reason as to why you want to break up. Don’t be mean or take shots at the other person’s character or personality (even it the reason you want to break up is because of their personality), but be sure the person understands that you are breaking up with them and why. For example, if the reason you want to break up with your girlfriend is because she is negative, tell her that you need to make a break because the relationship is impacting your life in a negative way.
Keep your break up speech to under 20 minutes. Dragging it out and talking it over can become a long, more painful process for both of you. If the other person suspects that you plan to break up with him or her, the shorter the speech the better. If this will come as a total surprise, you may want to build in some time where you can allow the other person to digest and ask questions. Avoid exceeding an hour to break up because after 60 minutes of trying to convey three simple words––let’s break up––your intent can become diluted and your break up resolve might weaken.
6. Practice your delivery. Stand in front of the mirror and practice your delivery. Pay close attention to your facial expressions while you are delivering the news. Cultivate a caring, concerned expression, but also one that is focused, serious and firm. You want your soon-to-be ex to know you mean business but at the same time, you aren’t trying to be mean. Practice your delivery several times until you feel as if you are ready.
7. Be on time to your break up meeting with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Be respectful and arrive on time, ready to get down to business. If he or she is late, allow for at least 15 minutes and then either call or send a text to confirm that you will be having the meeting.
8. Stick to your guns. During the break-up don’t allow the other person’s reaction to sway your resolve. If need be, recall why you wanted to break up with the other person and why you needed to do it on Valentine’s Day (and couldn't wait until another day). Be strong. Even though Valentine’s Day is not the best day to end an relationship, remember that breaking up will ultimately be what’s best for both parties involved and that in all likelihood, you're not the only couple breaking ties this holiday.
